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IF... The adventures of a gaijin in Tokyo

 

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Kare ga mada watashi no soba ni ite kuretara, donna ni shiawase deshoo .... If he were still with me, how happy I'd be ....
Ano hi watashi ga osoku made zangyoo o shinakattara, kare wa hitori de sanpo o shinakatta deshoo .... If I hadn't worked late at the office that day, then he wouldn't have gone out for a walk ....
Kare ga sanpo o shinakattara, ano otoko ni deawanakatta deshoo .... If he hadn't gone out for a walk, then he wouldn't have met that man...
Ano otoko ni deawanakereba, resutoran ni ikanakatta deshoo .... If he hadn't met that man, he wouldn't have gone to the restaurant....
Kare ga resutoran ni ikanakattara ... And if he hadn't gone to the restaurant, then ...
  Naoko sighs and for the thousandth time she retraces the fateful series of events that brought HIM to Tokyo.
Nihon ni ryuugaku shinai to, hontoo no nihongo o oboeraremasen. If you don't study in Japan you'll never learn real Japanese.
  Yes, Jim was impatient to learn....
Nihon ni iku to suru to, doko ga omoshiroi desu ka? If I do go to Japan, where's an interesting place to go?
Daitokai e iku to, oozei no sarariiman ya ooeru ga imasu. If you go to a big city, there are lots of salarymen and female office workers.
Kyooto ni ittara, takusan no otera o miru koto ga dekimasu. If you go to Kyoto you'll see lots of temples.
  Jim had a very profound world view....
Furukereba, omoshiroku nai. If it's old, it's boring.
  So, one week later, Jim came to Tokyo and rented a cheap little apartment ....
Apaato ga semakunakereba ii no ni ... If only the apartment wasn't quite so small ...
Gokiburi ga inakereba ii no ni ... If only there weren't any cockroaches ...
  He found life difficult.
  Sometimes he found his apartment just too claustrophobic, and set off to experience the buzz of central Tokyo.
  Out of the frying pan, into the fire ...
Konde inakereba tanoshii no ni ... If only it wasn't so crowded, I might like it....
  On just one such occasion, we met.
  It was love at first sight...
Hima dattara, issho ni kooen o sanpo shimasen ka. If you're free, will you go for a walk in the park with me?
  And our love blossomed and flowered among the withering autumn leaves ....
Moshi, kareshi ga inakereba, watashi no kanojo ni natte kudasai. If you don't have a boyfriend, please be my girl!
  We were so happy, so much in love....
  But I still had to go to work.
I often worked late, and that day I was supposed to meet Jim at his place at 6.30, but I just couldn't get away.
  Jim got sick of waiting—he always said I was exploited by the company—so he went out for a walk.
Kare ga amerikajin nara, eigoryoku o migaku koto ga dekiru. If he's American, I can brush up my English skills.
  Some guy he'd never met before invited him out...
Jikan ga attara, issho ni shokuji demo shimasen ka? If you've got time, why not have dinner with me?
Takakattara, boku wa ikemasen. If it's expensive, I can't go.
Daijoobu. Watashi ga haraimasu kara. Don't worry, I'll pay!
  To a fugu —blowfish—restaurant...
Yasukereba, fugu wa abunai desu. If it's cheap, blowfish is dangerous.
Dakedo takakereba, anzen desu. But if it's expensive it's safe.
Shokuji o nokosu to shitsurei desu yo. If you don't finish everything up it's bad manners, you know.
  I got back pretty ... about 12:00 PM
Kare ga roku-ji han kara matte iru to shitara, iraira shite iru deshoo. If he's been waiting since 6:30, he'll be in a pretty foul mood I guess.
  7:30 PM
I've gone to dinner at Shishi FUFU.
Back late.
  l knew that place.
It was famous ....
... famous for the fact that the cooks didn't know how to remove the blowfish's poison ducts properly, famous for...

Hyooban ga warui ano Shishi-ya ni itta nara, ABUNAI.

If he's gone to the notorious Shishi Restaurant he's in danger!
un un un un....  
  Oh my God! Jim!!!
  It was too late!
Makudonarudo ni ikeba yokatta ... I should have gone to McDonald's ...
   
Anata ga fugu o tabenakattara, watashi wa hitori bocchi ni naranakatta deshoo. If you hadn't eaten the blowfish, I wouldn't be so alone now!
Anata ga hihon ni konakereba yokatta... If only you had never come to Japan...
Dakedo, anata ga nihon ni konakatta to shitara... But if you had never come to Japan...
Anata ni awanakatta deshoo. I would never have met you.
   
Chinseizai o utanai kagiri, ochitsukimasen ne. If you don't give her sedatives, she never calms down.

Moshimo.... Moshimo.... Moshimo.... Moshimo....