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Learn Chinese Online Short Story – 我身后的眼睛 The Eyes Behind Me (Elementary)

我身后的眼睛 [1] The Eyes Behind Me
wǒ shēnhòu de yǎn-jīng [1]  
有一双眼睛, 在我的身后注视着我. A pair of eyes were watching me from behind.
yǒu yī shuāng yǎnjing, zài wǒ de shēnhòu zhùshì zhe wǒ.  
它让我感到不安. They made me feel uneasy.
tā ràng wǒ gǎndào bù’ān.  
从那天下班开始, 我就感觉到它的存在. It all started when I was on my way back from work that day.
cóng nàtiān xiàbān kāishǐ, wǒ jiù gǎnjuédào tā de cúnzài.  
那晚回到家, 我把我的感觉告诉了老公. I told my husband about the feeling that evening.
nà wǎn huídào jiā, wǒ bǎ wǒ de gǎnjué gàosu le lǎogong.  
“你没转过身看看是谁吗?”
老公问.		 “Didn’t you turn around to see who it was?”, he asked.
“ nǐ méi zhuàn guò shēn kànkan shì shéi ma?”
lǎogong wèn. 		 
“看了,可路上那么多人.
我不知道它是谁.”		 “I did. But there were so many people on the road,
I didn’t know who it was.”,
“ kàn le, kě lùshang nàme duō rén.
wǒ bù zhīdào tā shì shéi.” 		 
我不安地回答. I answered uneasily.
wǒ bù’ān de huídá.  
老公接着问:
“你的背后没有眼睛,
你怎么会知道有人在盯着你?”		 He continued “You don’t have eyes in the back of your head.
How could you know someone was watching you from behind?”
lǎogong jiēzhe wèn:
“ nǐ de bèihòu méiyǒu yǎnjing,
nǐ zěnme huì zhīdào yǒurén zài dīng zhe nǐ?” 		 
“不仅是盯着我, 而且还跟着我.”
我更加不安地回答.		 “Not just watching me, but also following me.”
I answered more uneasily.
“ bùjǐn shì dīng zhe wǒ, érqiě hái gēnzhe wǒ.”
wǒ gèngjiā bù’ān de huídá. 		 
“可是你转过身又不知道是谁?”
老公帮我把话说完.		 “But once you looked back you couldn’t figure out who it was?”,
my husband completed my sentence.
“ kěshì nǐ zhuàn guò shēn yòu bù zhīdào shì shéi?”
lǎogong bāng wǒ bǎ huàshuō wán. 		 
我点点头,说,”是这样.” I nodded. “Exactly.”
wǒ diǎndiǎntóu, shuō,” shì zhèyàng.”  
这时, 女儿扑到老公的怀里, 要抱抱. At that time, our daughter ran into his arms, begging for a hug.
zhèshí, nǚ’ér pū dào lǎogong de huái lǐ, yào bàobào.  
“要不要我明天送你上班?”
老公抱着女儿, 笑着问我.		 “Do you need my company on your way to work tomorrow?”,
he asked with a smile while holding the girl.
“ yào bu yào wǒ míngtiān sòng nǐ shàngbān?”
lǎogong bào zhe nǚ’ér, xiào zhe wèn wǒ. 		 
“不用了, 我上下班路上都有很多人,
我尽量跟着人群走就是了…
也许, 这只是我的幻觉.”		 “No thanks. There are lots of people on my way to work.
I can walk with the crowd.
Maybe it’s just my imagination.
“buyòng le, wǒ shàngxiàbān lùshang dōu yǒu hěn duō rén,
wǒ jìnliàng gēnzhe rénqún zǒu jiùshì le…
yěxǔ, zhè zhǐshì wǒ de huànjué.”		  
我开始觉得自己真有点可笑. I started to realize that how ridiculous I was.
wǒ kāishǐ juéde zìjǐ zhēn yǒudiǎn kěxiào.  
老公摸着女儿的脑袋, 继续问道:
”最近工作太累了吧?”		 He put his hand on the girl’s head and continued talking to me,
“Tired of your work lately?”
lǎogong mō zhe nǚ’ér de nǎodài, jìxù wèndào:
” zuìjìn gōngzuò tài lèi le ba?” 		 
“是有点儿累! 幻觉都累出来了.”
我似乎为自己找到了解释.		 “I guess so. I’ve even started seeing things.”
It looks like I just found out the reason.
“ shì yǒudiǎnr lèi! huànjué dōu lèi chūlái le.”
wǒ sìhū wéi zìjǐ zhǎodào le jiěshì.		  
2  
于是, 我早早地睡下了. So I went to bed early.
yúshì, wǒ zǎo zǎo de shuì xià le.  
第二天一早, 精神好多了. The next day, I felt much better.
dì’èrtiān yīzǎo, jīngshén hǎoduō le.  
把女儿送到学校后,
我就坐地铁到了市中心.		 After I dropped my daughter off at school,
I took the subway downtown.
bǎ nǚ’ér sòng dào xuéxiào hòu,
wǒ jiù zuò dìtiě dàole shìzhōngxīn. 		 
从地铁站到公司要在市区走二十多分钟. There is about twenty-minute walk from subway station to my company.
cóng dìtiězhàn dào gōngsī yào zài shìqū zǒu èrshíduō fēn zhōng.  
我尽量和上班的人群走在一起. I tried to walk with the crowd as much as I could.
wǒ jìnliàng hé shàngbān de rénqún zǒu zàiyīqǐ.  
可是没过多长时间, 那种感觉又来了!! But not long after that the feeling came back!!
kěshì méi guò duōcháng shíjiān, nàzhǒng gǎnjué yòuláile!!  
是的, 是有一双眼睛在盯着我,
这绝对不是幻觉! 		Yes, there was a pair of eyes that were watching me,
this was not my imagination!
shìde, shì yǒu yī shuāng yǎnjing zài dīng zhe wǒ,
zhè juéduì bùshì huànjué! 		 
下一个路口右转就是书店的大门. The next right turn was the entrance to a book store.
xiàyīge lùkǒu yòuzhuǎn jiùshì shūdiàn de dàmén.  
我刚一右转就躲进了书店的门口. I hid inside the entrance as soon as I had made the right turn.
wǒ gāngyī yòuzhuǎn jiù duǒ jìn le shūdiàn de ménkǒu.  
我睁大了眼睛, 看着身后的人流从我面前走过. I opened my eyes wide, watching the people that were behind me pass by.
wǒ zhēng dà le yǎnjing, kàn zhe shēnhòu de rénliú cóng wǒ miànqián zǒuguò.  
突然,
一个穿黑色风衣的身影在右转后的路口停了下来. 		Suddenly,
a figure in a black coat stopped right at the corner.
tūrán,
yī gè chuān hēisè fēngyī de shēnyǐng zài yòuzhuǎn hòu de lùkǒu tíng le xiàlai. 		 
那双失去了目标的眼睛焦急地东张西望,
直到它最终发现了书店门口的我.		 The eyes that had lost their target were searching around anxiously,
until they spotted me at the book store entrance.

nà shuāng shīqù le mùbiāo de yǎnjing jiāojí de dōngzhāngxīwàng,
zhídào tā zuìzhōng fāxiàn le shūdiàn ménkǒu de wǒ.

 
在他的注视下, 我突然无语. Under his gaze, I was speechless all of a sudden.
zài tā de zhùshì xià, wǒ tūrán wúyǔ.  
四目相对, 他竟然也呆住了. When our eyes met, he was stupefied too.
sì mù xiāngduì, tā jìngrán yě dāizhù le.  
曾以为这一生都不会再与他相见!

I thought I could never meet him again in my whole lifetime!
céng yǐwéi zhè yīshēng dōu bùhuì zài yǔ tā xiāngjiàn!  
可是这一刻, 他是这样真实地面对着我! However at that moment, he was facing me and so real!

kěshì zhè yī kè, tā shì zhèyàng zhēnshíde miànduì zhe wǒ!

 
“是你吗?”对面的他问我. “Is that you?”, he asked me.
“ shì nǐ ma?” duìmiàn de tā wèn wǒ.  
3  
“是我.” “Yes, it’s me.”
“shì wǒ.”  
我的心跳开始加速. My heart pounded fast.
wǒ de xīntiào kāishǐ jiāsù.  
“我吓到你了吗?对不起!” “Did I scare you? Sorry. “
“wǒ xià dào nǐ le ma? duì bù qǐ!”  
又看到了那曾经熟悉的微笑. Once again I saw the smile that I used to be so familiar with.
yòu kàn dào le nà céngjīng shúxī de wēixiào.  
他一步步向我走来. He came up to me closer and closer.
tā yī bù bù xiàng wǒ zǒu lái.  
还未开门的书店门口给了我们一块小小的空间. The still-shut book store gave us a little space to stand.
hái wèi kāimén de shūdiàn ménkǒu gěi le wǒ men yī kuài xiǎo xiǎo de kōngjiān.  
“你为什么不跟我打招呼?” “Why didn’t you say hello to me?”
“nǐ wèi shén me bù gēn wǒ dǎ zhāohū?”  
我问他,
看着那双和记忆中一样明亮的眼睛.		 I asked him,
gazing into those eyes that were as bright as the way they were in my memories.
wǒ wèn tā,
kàn zhe nèi shuāng hé jìyì zhōng yī yàng míngliàng de yǎnjīng.		  
“十三年了… 我不敢确定是不是你.” “It has been thirteen years, I couldn’t tell whether it was you.”
“ shí sān nián le… wǒ bù gǎn quèdìng shì bú shì nǐ.”  
他就站在我的身边,
我已经能闻到他身上的味道.

He stand beside me,
I already could smell his body's flavour.
tā jiù zhàn zài wǒ de shēnbiān,
wǒ yǐjīng néng wéndào tā shēn shàng de wèidào.		  
岁月啊! Time flies!
suì yuè a!  
“有十三年了吗? … 我变老了吧?” “Thirteen years already? I must have grown old.”
“yǒu shí sān nián le? … wǒ biànlǎo le ba?”  
我避开他的眼睛. I escaped his eyes.
wǒ bìkāi tā de yǎnjīng.  
“不. 你比那个时候更有风韵.” 他笑了. “No. You have more charms than in those days.” He smiled.
“bù. nǐ bǐ nà gè shíhòu gèng yǒu fēngyùn.” tā xiào le.  
我努力让自己平静:“你… 什么时候来的?” I tried to stay calm: ”When did you come here?”
wǒ nǔlì ràng zìjǐ píngjìng: “nǐ… shénme shíhòu láide?”  
“前几天. 来出差.
昨天下午在路上就看到你,
一直想确定是不是你.”		 “A few days ago, on a business trip,
I saw you on the street since yesterday afternoon.
I was trying to figure out whether it was you.”
“ qián jĭ tiān. lái chūchāi.
zuótiān xiàwǔ zài lùshàng jiù kàn dào nǐ,
yī zhí xiǎng quèdìng shì bú shì nǐ.”		  
我用手拉了拉衣领.
他注意到我无名指上的戒指.		 I pulled my collar together,
he noticed the ring on my finger.
wǒ yòng shǒu lā le lā yīlǐng.
tā zhùyì dào wǒ wúmíngzhǐ shàng de jièzhǐ.		  
他把眼光移开, 问我: He turned his head away, and asked me again:
tā bǎ yǎnguāng yíkāi, wèn wǒ:  
“你正赶着上班吧?” “Are you hurrying to work?”
“nǐ zhèng gǎn zhe shàngbān ba?”  
我点了点头. I nodded.
wǒ diǎn le diǎn tóu.  
“那…今晚能不能请你吃饭?
就当我是老同学 … 可以吗?”		 “May I invite you for dinner tonight?
As an old classmate of you… may I?”
“nà… jīnwǎn néng bù néng qǐng nǐ chī fàn?
jiù dāng wǒ shì lǎotóngxué … kěyǐ ma?”		  
他无声地等待着我的回答.
…… ……		 He waited for my reply quietly.
…. ….
tā wúshēng de děngdài zhe wǒ de huídá.
…… ……		  
“好吧.” 我说, “那六点半在这见?” “OK,” I said, “let’s meet here at 6:30?”
“ hǎo bā.” wǒ shuō, “nà, liù diǎn bàn zài zhè jiàn?”  
“一言为定.” “Deal.”
“ yī yán wéi dìng.”  
4  
那是多么漫长的一天. Such a long day that was!
nàshi duōme màncháng de yī tiān.  
一上午的会议, 我总是在不停地走神. That morning was all meetings. My mind kept wandering somewhere else.

yī shàngwǔ de huìyì, wǒ zǒngshì zài bùtíng de zǒushén.

  
中午的时候, 我给老公去了电话. At noon, I called my husband.
zhōngwǔ de shíhou, wǒ gěi lǎogong qù le diànhuà.  
我告诉他晚上要加班, 会晚回来,
让他带女儿去她最喜欢的必胜客吃晚餐.		 I told him I had to work late that evening,
and asked him to bring our daughter to her favorite Pizza Hut for dinner.
wǒ gàosu tā wǎnshang yào jiābān, huì wǎn huílai,
ràng tā dài nǚ’ér qù tā zuì xǐhuan de Bìshèng Kè chī wǎncān.		  
放下电话, 我又开始出神. When I put down the phone, my mind started to drift again.
fàngxia diànhuà, wǒ yòu kāishǐ chūshén.  
十三年了, 他这十三年又是怎样度过的呢? Thirteen years! How had he been through all those years?
shí sān nián le, tā zhè shí sān nián yòu shì zěnyàng dùguò de ne?  
他的生活顺心吗? Had he been doing well?
tā de shēnghuó shùnxīn ma?  
他结婚了吗? Had he married?
tā jiéhūn le ma?  
他的父母怎么样了? What about his parents?
tā de fùmǔ zěnmeyàng le?  
我的脑海里充满了问题. My mind was full of questions.
wǒ de nǎohǎi lǐ chōngmǎn le wèntí.  
六点二十五分, 我赶到了那个路口. 6:25, I arrived at the intersection.
liù diǎn èrshí wǔ fēn, wǒ gǎn dàoliǎo nàge lùkǒu.  
他比我还早. He was earlier than me.
tā bǐ wǒ hái zǎo.  
我们相视一笑. We smiled at each other.
wǒmen xiāng shì yī xiào.  
就象十三年前,他总是先到. Just like thirteen years ago, he was always earlier than me.
jiù xiàng shí sān niánqián, tā zǒngshì xiān dào.  
我们打的去了一个离大学很近的餐馆. We took a taxi and went to a restaurant near the university.
wǒmen dǎdī qù le yī gè lí dàxué hěn jìn de cānguǎn.  
是我选的地方,就象当年一样. I picked the place, just like thirteen years ago.
shì wǒ xuǎn de dìfang, jiù xiàng dāngnián yīyàng.  
他点了菜, 都是我们当年爱吃的. He ordered from the menu for all that we used to love.
tā diǎn le cài, dōu shì wǒmen dāngnián ài chī de.  
暗蓝的灯光下, 我仔细的打量着他. In the dim blue light, I looked at him carefully.
àn lán de dēngguāng xià, wǒ zǐxì de dǎliang zhe tā.  
他身上已没了当年的孩子气.
现在的他, 多了一份沧桑, 很男人.		 Gone was that boyish look.
Today, he had gained a manful look.
tā shēnshang yǐ méile dāngnián de háiziqì.
xiànzài de tā, duō le yī fèn cāngsāng, hěn nánrén.		  
“过得还好吗?” 我问. “How have you been?” I asked.
“ guòdé háihǎo ma?” wǒ wèn.  
“嗯, 还行.” “Hmn, not bad.”
“ èn, hái xíng.”  
“太太还好吗?”我试探着问. “And your wife?” I explored a little.
“ tàitai háihǎo ma?” wǒ shìtàn zhe wèn.  
“很好.” “She’s well.”
“ hěn hǎo.”  
“你怎么样?” 他问我. “What about you?”
“ nǐ zěnmeyàng?” tā wèn wǒ.  
“还行.” “Not bad.”
“ hái xíng.”  
“孩子多大了?” “How old is your child?”
“ háizi duōdà le?”  
“七岁…. 你有小孩吗?” “Seven … do you have children?”
“ qī suì…. nǐ yǒu xiǎohái ma?”  
“还没呢, 我前年刚结的婚.” “Not yet, I got married last year.”
“ hái méi ne, wǒ qiánnián gāng jié de hūn.”  
他停了筷子, 看着我. He put down his chopsticks and looked at me.
tā tíng le kuàizi, kàn zhe wǒ.  
我想起了几年前听另一个同学说,
他尽管已拥有了自己的公司, 却一直没成家.		 I remembered now, a few years ago, my old classmate had told me
that he was still single though he had already become a business owner.
wǒ xiǎngqǐ le jǐnián qián tīng lìngyī gè tóngxué shuō,
tā jìn-guǎn yǐ yōngyǒu le zìjǐ de gōngsī, què yīzhí méi chéngjiā.		  
他就那样看着我, 象要看懂我的心事. He looked at me, as if he was trying to read my mind.
tā jiù nàyàng kàn zhe wǒ, xiàng yào kàndǒng wǒ de xīnshì.  
我们之间有过太多的无奈. Between the two of us, we had too many regrets.
wǒmen zhījiān yǒu guò tài duō de wúnài.  
“你回去后…为什么没给我回信?”
我忍不住先问了.		 “After you returned home, why didn’t you write back to me?”
I couldn’t help but ask.
“ nǐ huíqu hòu… wèishénme méi gěi wǒ huíxìn?”
wǒ rěnbuzhù xiān wèn le.		  
5  
那是十三年前的夏天. That was in a summer thirteen years ago.
nàshi shísān niánqián de xiàtiān.  
大学毕业的晚餐会上我和他都喝多了. Both of us had a good drink in the university graduation evening dinner party.
dàxué bìyè de wǎncān huì shàng wǒ hé tā dōu hē duō le.  
我拉着他的手, 逃离了晚餐会的嘈杂. I grabbed his hand and we escaped from the loud party together.
wǒ lā zhe tā de shǒu, táolí le wǎncān huì de cáozá.  
我们来到东院的长青湖边,
紧紧地拥吻在一起…		 We came to the Chang Qing river in east campus.
We embraced each other and kissed.
wǒmen láidào dōng yuàn de cháng qīng húbiān,
jǐnjǐn de yōng wěn zàiyīqǐ…		  
昏暗的路灯下, 一阵凉风吹散了我们的醉意. Under the dim light, the cool breeze brought us back to the reality.
hūn’àn de lùdēng xià, yīzhèn liáng fēng chuīsàn le wǒmen de zuì yì.  
我搂着他的脖子, 忘情地看着他的脸. I draped my arms around his neck, gazing at him with all my love.

wǒ lǒu zhe tā de bózi, wàngqíng de kàn zhe tā de liǎn.

  
“我们该怎么办?” “What about us?”,
“ wǒmen gāi zěnmebàn?”  
我轻声问他. I whispered to him.
wǒ qīngshēng wèn tā.  
“你等我,等我找到工作, 安定下来,
我们再一起计划. 我会回来找你.”		 “Wait for me. After I find a job and settle down,
we will plan together. I will come back here to find you.”
“ nǐděng wǒ, děng wǒ zhǎodào gōngzuò, āndìng xiàlai,
wǒmen zài yīqǐ jìhuà. wǒ huì huílai zhǎo nǐ.”		  
他的这句话一直印刻在我的心里. His words have been engraved in my heart since then.
tā de zhè jù huà yīzhí yìn kè zài wǒ de xīnli.  
我们在大学里整整热恋了两年. We’ve been passionately in love in that university for the whole two years.
wǒmen zài dàxué lǐ zhěngzhěng rèliàn le liǎng nián.  
毕业在即,
他就要回南方的家乡小镇找工作了.		 With the imminent graduation,
he would soon be on his way back to his small hometown in the south and look for a job.
bìyè zàijí,
tā jiùyào huí nánfāng de jiāxiāng xiǎo zhèn zhǎo gōngzuò le.		  
而我, 将仍然留在这个我从未离开过的城市. And I would still stay in the city that I had never ever left.
ér wǒ, jiāng réngrán liú zài zhège wǒ cóngwèi líkāi guò de chéngshì.  
他的离去有两个必然:
一个是他的外地户口,
一个是他的母亲病重.		 There were two inevitable reasons for his leaving:
his non-registered residence status,
and his Mom’s illness.
tā de líqù yǒu liǎng gè bìrán:
yī gè shì tā de wàidì hùkǒu,
yī gè shì tā de mǔqīn bìngzhòng.		  
火车站台上难舍的离别,
为我们这段甜蜜的初恋划上了句号.		 The heart-wrenching departure at the train platform
put an end to our sweet relationship.
huǒchēzhàn táishàng nán shě de líbié,
wéi wǒmen zhè duàn tiánmì de chūliàn huà shàng le jùhào.		  
不过当时, 我们并不知道缘分已尽. Only at that time, we didn’t know that was the end.
bùguò dāngshí, wǒmen bìngbù zhīdào yuánfèn yǐ jìn.  
我还痴痴地给他写信. 一封又一封. I wrote letters to him one after another.
wǒ hái chī chī de gěi tā xiěxìn. yī fēng yòu yī fēng.  
可是自始至终, 我没有收到他的只言片语. But I haven’t received a single word from him since then.
kěshì zìshǐzhìzhōng, wǒ méiyǒu shōudào tā de zhǐyánpiànyǔ.  
6  
我给他家打电话, 无人接听. I called his home, but nobody picked up the phone.
wǒ gěi tā jiā dǎdiànhuà, wúrén jiētīng.  
父母开始做我的工作, Then my parents began to talk to me,
fùmǔ kāishǐ zuò wǒ de gōngzuò,  
“你和他本来就不合适.
两家都只有一个孩子, 一个南, 一个北.
怎么生活到一起去?”		 “You and he are not suitable for each other.
Both of our families are single-child families. One lives in the south, one lives in the north.
How could the two of you live together?”
“ nǐ hé tā běnlái jiù bùhéshì.
liǎng jiā dōu zhǐyǒu yī gè háizi, yī gè nán, yī gè běi.
zěnme shēnghuó dào yīqǐ qù?”		  
我虽然反感他们的唠叨, 但内心里也开始挣扎. Although I was sick of their nagging, my mind started to struggle.
wǒ suīrán fǎngǎn tāmen de láodao, dàn nèi xīnli yě kāishǐ zhēngzhá.  
这一去就没了音讯的他是不是已经变心? Was he seeing someone else that he even didn’t care to send a word to me?
zhè yī qù jiù méile yīnxùn de tā shìbùshì yǐjīng biànxīn?  
或者, 已经和现实妥协,
不再继续为我们的未来争取?		 Or had he already given up
and didn’t want to fight for our future together?
huòzhě, yǐjīng hé xiànshí tuǒxié,
bùzài jìxù wéi wǒmen de wèilái zhēngqǔ?		  
我开始整夜整夜地失眠，痛哭, 抑郁。
我品尝到了失恋的滋味.		 Then I started to lose my sleep night after night, weeping and depressed.
I experienced the bitter feeling of losing my love.
wǒ kāishǐ zhěngyè zhěngyè de shīmián， tòngkū, yìyù。
wǒ pǐncháng dàoliǎo shīliàn de zīwèi.		  
后来，我索性换了份离家较远的工作,
在外面租了房子,
过起了真正的单身生活.		 Thereafter I made up my mind to change to another job,
even further from my home.
I rented a place to live by myself and started a real single life.
hòulái， wǒ suǒxìng huàn le fèn lí jiā jiào yuǎn de gōngzuò,
zài wàimiàn zū le fángzi,
guò qǐ le zhēnzhèng de dānshēn shēnghuó.		  
我现在的老公就在那时闯进了我的生活…. My current husband came into my life since then.
wǒ xiànzài de lǎogong jiù zài nàshí chuǎngjìn le wǒ de shēnghuó….  
“你回去后…. 为什么没给我回信?” “After you returned home… why didn’t you write to me?”
“ nǐ huíqu hòu…. wèishénme méi gěi wǒ huíxìn?”  
这是我长久以来一直想得到答案的问题。 This is the question that I’ve been waiting for an answer for so long.
zhè shì wǒ chángjiǔ yǐlái yīzhí xiǎng dédào dá’àn de wèntí。  
在那个还没有英特网的年代，
书信和电话是我们唯一的联系。		 At a time when the Internet did not exist in our life,
letters and phone calls were the only ways to keep us connected.
zài nàge hái méiyǒu Yīngtèwǎng de niándài，
shūxìn hé diànhuà shì wǒmen wéiyī de liánxì。		  
我的问题象是击中了他的要害,
他身子向后一靠,吃了一惊.		 My question was like a punch swung right at him.
He leaned back against his chair. He was surprised.
wǒ de wèntí xiàng shì jīzhòng le tā de yàohài,
tā shēnzi xiànghòu yī kào, chī le yī jīng.		  
“我的回信你一封都没有收到吗?”
他反问我.		 “You hadn’t received even one letter from me?”
“ wǒ de huíxìn nǐ yī fēng dōu méiyǒu shōudào ma?”
tā fǎnwèn wǒ.		  
我肯定地摇了摇头. I shook my head with certainty.

wǒ kěndìng de yáo le yáo tóu.

  
他沉思了片刻. He paused for a moment,
tā chénsī le piànkè.  
“我给你写过八封回信,
但在我给你写第九封信的时候,
我前面的回信都被一起退回来了.		 “I wrote eight letters to you.
When I was writing the ninth,
all my previous letters were mailed back to me in one parcel.
“ wǒ gěi nǐ xiě guò bā fēng huíxìn,
dàn zài wǒ gěi nǐ xiě dì jiǔ fēng xìn de shíhou,
wǒ qiánmiàn de huíxìn dōu bèi yīqǐ tuì huílai le.		  
…. 退回来的邮包里还有你父母给我写的便条.” … together with it, was a note from your parents. “
…. tuì huílai de yóubāo lǐ háiyǒu nǐ fùmǔ gěi wǒ xiě de biàntiáo.”  
7  
我目瞪口呆地听着他的述说. I was listening to him dumbfounded.
wǒ mùdèngkǒudāi de tīng zhe tā de shùshuō.  
“意思是说, 他们坚决不同意我们的来往.
他们已做通你的工作,
希望我不要再与你来往.		 “What they meant was that they didn’t agree with our relationship.
They’ve had a talk with you, and you understood too.
They hoped I could face the reality and put an end to our relationship.
“ yìsi shì shuō, tāmen jiānjué bùtóng yì wǒmen de láiwǎng.
tāmen yǐ zuò tōng nǐ de gōngzuò,
xīwàng wǒ bùyào zài yǔ nǐ láiwǎng.		  
我妈当时病重, 在省城住院.
我和我爸轮流在医院守着.
剩下的时间我就在外面找工作.
所以家里经常没人….		 My Mom was very sick and stayed in the city hospital at that time.
My Dad and I took turns to look after her in the hospital.
The rest of my time, I used to look for a job.
That’s why there were hardly anyone at my home during that period.
wǒ mā dāngshí bìngzhòng, zài shěngchéng zhùyuàn.
wǒ hé wǒ bà lúnliú zài yīyuàn shǒu zhe.
shèngxià de shíjiān wǒ jiù zài wàimiàn zhǎo gōngzuò.
suǒyǐ jiā lǐ jīngcháng méi rén….		  
我给你家打过电话, 你妈接的电话,
她让我不要再打了….		 I called your home, your Mom picked up.
She told me not to call you again….
wǒ gěi nǐ jiā dǎ guò diànhuà, nǐ mā jiē de diànhuà,
tā ràng wǒ bùyào zài dǎ le….		  
收到那个邮包后, 我很痛苦…
但是, 我明白, 一个连工作都没有的男人,
能拿什么去争取呢?		 After I received the parcel, I felt very sad.
However, I also understood, that if a man didn’t even have a job to support himself,
what he could use to fight for his love?
shōudào nàge yóubāo hòu, wǒ hěn tòngkǔ…
dànshì, wǒ míngbai, yī gè lián gōngzuò dōu méiyǒu de nánrén,
néng ná shénme qù zhēngqǔ ne?		  
于是, 我给你父母写了封回信,
让他们给我一些时间, 等我有了稳定的工作,
会亲自上门拜访.		 Then I wrote a letter back to your parents,
asking them to give me some time, once I found a job and did well,
I would come to visit them and talk to them.
yúshì, wǒ gěi nǐ fùmǔ xiě le fēng huíxìn,
ràng tāmen gěi wǒ yīxiē shíjiān, děng wǒ yǒule wěndìng de gōngzuò,
huì qīnzì shàngmén bàifǎng.		  
… 当然, 他们并没有回信.” Of course, they never wrote back. “
… dāngrán, tāmen bìng méiyǒu huíxìn.”  
他停了停, 看向窗外的夜色. He stopped and looked at the night outside of the window.
tā tíng le tíng, kàn xiàng chuāng wài de yèsè.  
这十三年来,
我一直以为是他主动放弃了我们的未来.		 All these thirteen years,
I’ve been thinking it was he who first let go of our possible future.
zhè shí sān niánlái,
wǒ yīzhí yǐwéi shì tā zhǔdòng fàngqì le wǒmen de wèilái.		  
直到今天我才了解了真相! Only today I finally get to know exactly what happened in the past!
zhídào jīntiān wǒ cái liǎojiě le zhēnxiàng!  
“我的天, 他们都做了些什么呀!?” “Oh my! What terrible things they’ve done?!”
“ wǒ de tiān, tāmen dōu zuò le xiē shénme ya!?”  
我感到羞耻, 感到愤怒. I felt ashamed and angry.
wǒ gǎndào xiūchǐ, gǎndào fènnù.  
“别怪他们, 他们也都是为了你好. ” “Don’t blame them, they’ve done that for your sake.”
“ bié guài tāmen, tāmen yě dōu shì wèile nǐhǎo. ”  
我抬眼望着他,
他的目光中透着一丝温存, 一丝忧郁.		 I looked up into his eyes.
What I saw was some tenderness and some sadness.
wǒ tái yǎn wàng zhe tā,
tā de mùguāng zhōng tòu zhe yī sī wēncún, yī sī yōuyù.		  
在那一刻, 我突然回想起人们常说的一句:
“初恋是最美的, 也是最短暂的.”		 At that moment, I suddenly recalled a saying that was going around:
”Our first love is always the most beautiful but the most fragile one.”

zài nà yī kè, wǒ tūrán huí xiǎngqǐ rénmen cháng shuō de yījù:
“ chūliàn shì zuì měi de, yě shì zuì duǎnzàn de.”

  
他是我的初恋, 我, 也是他的初恋. He was my first love. I was his.
tā shì wǒ de chūliàn, wǒ, yě shì tā de chūliàn.  
8  
从餐馆出来, 已是满街灯火. When we stepped out of the restaurant, the street had been lit up with street lights.
cóng cānguǎn chūlái, yǐ shì mǎn jiē dēnghuǒ.  
初秋的风, 夹杂着街市的味道, 扑面而来. The breeze of early autumn, mixed with the smell of the city, gently stroked our face.
chū qiū de fēng, jiāzá zhe jiē shì de wèidao, pūmiàn’érlái.  
“孩子在等你回去了吧?” 他问. “Perhaps your child is expecting you to come home now?”, he asked.
“ háizi zài děng nǐ huíqu le ba?” tā wèn.  
“他们以为我今天加班.” 我回答. “They thought I worked late today.”, I answered.
“ tāmen yǐwéi wǒ jīntiān jiābān.” wǒ huídá.  
“哦…” 他顿了顿, “对不起.” “Oh,” he paused for a second, “I’m sorry.”
“ o…” tā dùn le dùn, “ duìbuqǐ.”  
“你没有什么对不起我的地方…”
我停下了脚步, 面对着他.		 “You don’t need to apologize for anything.”,
I stopped and faced him.
“ nǐ méiyǒu shénme duìbuqǐ wǒ de dìfang…”
wǒ tíngxià le jiǎobù, miànduì zhe tā.		  
他也站住了. He stopped as well.
tā yě zhànzhù le.  
“我们去长青湖边走走好吗?”我央求他. “Can we have a walk to Chang Qing river?”, I asked.
“ wǒmen qù cháng qīng húbiān zǒu zǒu hǎo ma?” wǒ yāngqiú tā.  
他点了点头. He nodded.
tā diǎn le diǎntóu.  
长青湖的湖面闪着星星点点的光亮. The surface of Chang Qing river was scattered with sparkling lights.
cháng qīng hú de hú miàn shǎn zhe xīngxing diǎndiǎn de guāngliàng.  
“你母亲现在怎么样了?”
我早该问他这个问题了.		 “How is your mother doing now?”,
I should have asked this question earlier.
“ nǐ mǔqīn xiànzài zěnmeyàng le?”
wǒ zǎo gāi wèn tā zhège wèntí le.		  
“她在我回去的第二年就去世了….
那之后我也找到了工作.”		 “She passed away the second year I returned….
sometime later I found a job.”

“ tā zài wǒ huíqu de dì’èr nián jiù qùshì le….
nà zhīhòu wǒ yě zhǎodào le gōngzuò.”

  
“真对不起.” 我知道我的问候太迟了. “I’m so sorry.” I know my condolences came too late.
“ zhēn duìbuqǐ.” wǒ zhīdào wǒ de wènhòu tài chíle.  
“我工作刚满八个月就请假来过这里.” “After eight months of work, I actually came here once.”
“ wǒ gōngzuò gāng mǎn bā gè yuè jiù qǐngjià lái guò zhèlǐ.”  
“是吗? 我怎么不知道?” “Really? How come I didn’t know?”
“ shì ma? wǒ zěnme bù zhīdào?”  
“我先住在王浩那里. “I first stayed at Wang Hao’s when I came.
“ wǒ xiān zhù zài wáng hào nàli.  
王浩说, 你如果是来玩,
就痛痛快快地玩,
别想别的.		 Wang Hao said to me “If you came here to spend your vacation,
then please fully enjoy it,
and don’t bother to think about anything else.
wáng hào shuō, nǐ rúguǒ shì lái wán,
jiù tòngtongkuàikuài de wán,
bié xiǎng biéde.		  
如果是来找你以前的女朋友, 现在就回去. But if you came here to find your ex-girlfriend, then you’d better go back now.”
rúguǒ shì lái zhǎo nǐ yǐqián de nǚpéngyou, xiànzài jiù huíqu.  
我告诉他我就是来找我女朋友的,
想和她当面谈谈.		 I told him I did come here to find my girlfriend,
and I wanted to have a talk with her face to face.
wǒ gàosu tā wǒ jiùshì lái zhǎo wǒ nǚpéngyou de,
xiǎng hé tā dāngmiàn tántán.		  
王浩说, 她下个月就结婚了,
让我死了这条心.”		 Then Wang Hao said, “She already has her wedding planned for next month.
You’d better wake up and face reality. “
wáng hào shuō, tā xiàgèyuè jiù jiéhūn le,
ràng wǒ sǐ le zhè tiáo xīn.”		  
我的脑海里回想起婚礼上
王浩转交给我的他送的贺礼和祝福。		 I still remembered how Wang Hao
had passed his blessing and wedding gift to me on my wedding day.
wǒ de nǎohǎi lǐ huí xiǎngqǐ hūnlǐ shàng
wáng hào zhuànjiāo gěi wǒ de tā sòng de hèlǐ hé zhùfú。		  
婚礼后我问王浩”他人呢?” After the wedding, I asked Wang Hao, “Where was he?”
hūnlǐ hòu wǒ wèn wáng hào” tārén ne?”  
王浩说是他托人带来的，
他本人并没有来。		 Wang Hao explained how he had asked someone to bring the wedding gift to me,
because he had been unable to come himself.
wáng hào shuō shì tā tuō rén dàilái de，
tā běnrén bìng méiyǒu lái。		  
我的胸口开始隐隐作痛。。。
我继续听他把故事讲完。		 My heart started to ache.
I waited for him to finish the story.
wǒ de xiōngkǒu kāishǐ yǐnyǐn zuòtòng。。。
wǒ jìxù tīng tā bǎ gùshi jiǎng wán。		  
9  
“我说王浩，你不要当我面编瞎话!
她答应过等我的.”
他接着说下去。		 “I told Wang Hao not to make joke about this;
She had promised me she would wait for me to find her again.”
He continued.
” wǒ shuō wáng hào， nǐ bùyào dāng wǒ miàn biān xiāhuà!
tā dāying guò děng wǒ de.”
tā jiēzhe shuō xiàqù。		  
“王浩二话没说，
把你的结婚请柬递给我看。
那上面清清楚楚地写着你和另一个男人的名字。		 “Wang Hao didn’t waste words on that.
He showed me your wedding invitation right away.
On that invitation letter, your name and another man’s name was clearly printed together.
” wáng hào èrhuà méi shuō，
bǎ nǐ de jiéhūn qǐngjiǎn dì gěi wǒ kàn。
nà shàngmian qīngqīngchǔchǔ de xiě zhe nǐ hé lìngyī gè nánrén de míngzi。		  
我拿着那张纸就往外走,
我当时脑子一片空白,
只想着要马上见到你, 越快越好.		 I grabbed that piece of paper and stepped outside of the door.
My mind went blank all of a sudden.
All that I wanted to do at that moment was to see you, the sooner the better.
wǒ ná zhe nà zhāng zhǐ jiù wǎngwài zǒu,
wǒ dāngshí nǎozi yīpiàn kòngbái,
zhǐ xiǎng zhe yào mǎshàng jiàndào nǐ, yuèkuàiyuèhǎo.		  
王浩死死地抱着我, 说我是个傻子,
这个时候去找人家干什么?		 Wang Hao held me back with all his might. He called me an idiot,
saying what was the point of meeting you under those circumstances.
wáng hào sǐsǐ dì bào zhe wǒ, shuō wǒ shì gè shǎzi,
zhège shíhou qù zhǎo rénjiā gànshénme?		  
我象疯了一样把他甩开, 骂他多管闲事. I pushed him away like a mad man, I told him to stay out of my business.
wǒ xiàng fēng le yīyàng bǎ tā shuǎikāi, mà tā duōguǎnxiánshì.  
我冲下楼梯, 王浩一路跟着我. I rushed down the stairs. Wang Hao followed me closely.
wǒ chōng xià lóutī, wáng hào yīlù gēnzhe wǒ.  
我到半路上才想起你已经不在家里住了. On my way to your home, I suddenly remembered that you did not live there anymore.
wǒ dào bàn lùshang cái xiǎngqǐ nǐ yǐjīng bù zài jiālǐ zhù le.  
我回头抓住王浩的衣领,
让他告诉我你的住处.		 I turned around and grabbed Wang Hao,
and I demanded that he tell me your address.
wǒ huítóu zhuāzhù wáng hào de yīlǐng,
ràng tā gàosu wǒ nǐ de zhùchù.		  
王浩一拳打在我的脸上. Wang Hao punched me right in the face.
wáng hào yī quándǎ zài wǒ de liǎn shàng.  
说要让我清醒清醒.
我说我清醒地知道我的女朋友就要跟别的男人结婚了,
你还要我怎么清醒?!		 He told me to wake up.
I said I was awake enough to know that my girlfriend would soon marry another man,
how much more awake did you want me to be?
shuō yào ràng wǒ qīngxǐng qīngxǐng.
wǒ shuō wǒ qīngxǐng de zhīdào wǒ de nǚpéngyou jiùyào gēn biéde nánrén jiéhūn le,
nǐ hái yào wǒ zěnme qīngxǐng?!		  
王浩对我吼:
‘如果你真爱她, 你不希望她幸福吗?’		 Wang Hao shouted back,
‘If you do love her, don’t you want her to be happy?’
wáng hào duì wǒ hǒu:
‘ rúguǒ nǐ zhēn’ài tā, nǐ bù xīwàng tā xìngfú ma?’		  
他把我问住了. His question caught me up short.
tā bǎ wǒ wènzhù le.  
‘她幸福吗?’我问王浩. ‘Is she happy?’, I asked him.
‘ tā xìngfú ma?’ wǒ wèn wáng hào.  
王浩点点头.
他说他见过你们在一起, 很快乐.		 Wang Hao nodded.
He said he had seen you two together, you were very happy.
wáng hào diǎndiǎntóu.
tā shuō tā jiàn guò nǐmen zàiyīqǐ, hěn kuàilè.		  
那一刻, 我的心象被掏空一样难受. At that moment, I felt as if my heart was gouged out.
nà yī kè, wǒ de xīn xiàng bèi tāo-kōng yīyàng nánshòu.  
后来的事情现在想来都很模糊了. The days that followed were vague in my memories.
hòulái de shìqing xiànzài xiǎnglái dōu hěn móhu le.  
我在王浩那儿大醉了几场,
给你留下一份贺礼就回去了.”		 I got drunk a few times at Wang Hao’s.
Then I left a wedding gift for you and left.”
wǒ zài wáng hào nàr dà zuì le jǐ chǎng,
gěi nǐ liúxià yī fèn hèlǐ jiù huíqu le.“		  
他就此打住, 没有再说下去。 He stopped right there.
tā jiùcǐ dǎzhù, méiyǒu zàishuō xiàqù。  
在不知不觉中，我的脸颊已湿。 My face had gone wet without my awareness.
zài bùzhībùjué zhōng， wǒ de liǎnjiá yǐ shī。  
我感到从未有过的虚弱。
我伸手扶住湖边的长椅，缓缓地坐下来。		 I felt a weakness that I’ve never felt before.
I reached out my hand to the chair beside the river and slowly sat down.
wǒ gǎndào cóngwèi yǒu guò de xūruò。
wǒ shēnshǒu fú zhù húbiān de chángyǐ， huǎnhuǎn de zuò xiàlai。		  
10  
“你怎么了?”他问。 “Are you OK?”, he asked.
” nǐ zěnmele?” tā wèn。  
“对不起。。我当时以为，你早就把我忘了。 “I’m sorry … I thought you had already forgot about me.
” duìbuqǐ。。 wǒ dāngshí yǐwéi， nǐ zǎojiù bǎ wǒ wàng le。  
我的心好痛。。。
在我最痛苦的时候，他给了我温暖，
让我明白，人必须面对现实。		 I was heartbroken …
When I suffered, he (my current husband) comforted me,
he helped me to understand that I had to face the reality.
wǒ de xīn hǎo tòng。。。
zài wǒ zuì tòngkǔ de shíhou， tā gěi le wǒ wēnnuǎn，
ràng wǒ míngbai， rén bìxū miànduì xiànshí。		  
于是, 我选择了现实。”
 我不争气的眼泪开始不住地流。		 So I accepted the reality.”
I couldn’t stop my hopeless tears.
yúshì, wǒ xuǎnzé le xiànshí。”
wǒ bùzhēngqì de yǎnlèi kāishǐ bùzhù de liú。		  
他靠着我坐下，
把一只手伸到我的面前,“可以吗?”		 He sit down beside me,
opened one hand in front of me and asked, “May I?”
tā kào zhe wǒ zuòxia，
bǎ yī zhǐ shǒu shēn dào wǒ de miànqián:” kěyǐ ma?”		  

我把手放进他的掌心。
他的手还是那样地滚烫有力。

 I placed my hand in his palm.
He still had the warm and strong grip as before.
wǒ bǎshǒu fàngjìn tā de zhǎngxīn。
tā de shǒu háishi nàyàng de gǔntàng yǒulì。		  
他握着我的手，看着我的眼睛说, He held my hand, looked into my eyes and said,
tā wò zhe wǒ de shǒu， kàn zhe wǒ de yǎnjing shuō,  
“我只想让你知道，过去的都过去了，
只要你现在幸福，我就很开心了。明白吗?”		 “I only want you to know that, all that happened in the past has passed.
As long as you are happy now, I am happy. Understand?”
” wǒ zhǐ xiǎng ràng nǐ zhīdào， guòqu de dōu guòqu le，
zhǐyào nǐ xiànzài xìngfú， wǒ jiù hěn kāixīn le。 míngbai ma?”		  
我冲他点了点头。 I nodded at him.
wǒ chōng tā diǎn le diǎntóu。  
他轻轻放开我的手，起身向湖水走去。 He gently let go of my hand, stood up and walked down to the river.
tā qīngqīng fàngkāi wǒ de shǒu， qǐshēn xiàng hú shuǐ zǒuqù。  
他的身影在湖边停了下来, His stopped at the riverside,
tā de shēnyǐng zài húbiān tíng le xiàlai,  
“这个城市我都快认不出来了，
可是这湖，还是那么美。”		 “I hardly can recognize this city today,
but this river is just as beautiful as it used to be.”
” zhège chéngshì wǒ dōu kuài rèn bù chūlái le，
kěshì zhè hú， háishi nàme měi。”		  
我走上前，从背后轻柔地抱住他。 I walked towards him and hugged him gently from behind.
wǒ zǒu shàngqián， cóng bèihòu qīngróu de bào zhù tā。  
“让我再抱你一次，就一次, 可以吗?” “Please, let me hug you again, just once, may I?”
” ràng wǒ zài bào nǐ yīcì， jiù yīcì, kěyǐ ma?”  
我就这样抱着他, 什么也不想,
让湖水和夜色静静地陪伴着我们.		 I ceased all my thoughts, and hugged him just like that.
The quiet river and the quiet night were our company.
wǒ jiù zhèyàng bào zhe tā, shénme yě bùxiǎng,
ràng hú shuǐ hé yèsè jìng jìng de péibàn zhe wǒmen.		  
这一晚是属于十三年前的,
是属于长青湖的记忆里的.		 That night belongs to thirteen years ago,
to the memories of Chang Qing river.
zhè yī wǎn shì shǔyú shí sān niánqián de,
shì shǔyú cháng qīng hú de jìyì lǐ de.		  
它不属于今天, 不属于这个时代. It doesn’t belong to today, to this life.
tā bù shǔyú jīntiān, bù shǔyú zhège shídài.  
   
我们挥手作了别,
两部出租车驶向了不同的方向.		 At last we waved goodbye to each other.
Two taxis drove to opposite directions.
wǒmen huīshǒu zuò le bié,
liǎng bù chūzūchē shǐ xiàng le bùtóng de fāngxiàng.		  
他提出送我, 我说不要.
就让我们在长青湖畔告别.		 He offered to send me home, I said, “No.
Let’s say goodbye right beside Chang Qing river.”
tā tíchū sòng wǒ, wǒ shuō bùyào.
jiù ràng wǒmen zài cháng qīng hú pàn gàobié.		  
我们的故事如果有一个结尾,
那就让它结束在长青湖畔.		 If there were an ending in our story,
please let it end at Chang Qing river.
wǒmen de gùshi rúguǒ yǒu yī gè jiéwěi,
nà jiù ràng tā jiéshù zài cháng qīng hú pàn.		  
我们很默契地都
没有留下对方的联系方式.		 None of us asked for the other’s contact information.
wǒmen hěn mòqì de dōu
méiyǒu liúxià duìfāng de liánxì fāngshì.		  
11  
那天晚上我回到家,
女儿还没睡,
她扑到我的怀里, 吵着要听故事.		 When I came back home that night,
my daughter was still awake.
The moment she saw me back, she ran into my arms and asked for stories.
nàtiān wǎnshang wǒ huídào jiā,
nǚ’ér hái méi shuì,
tā pū dào wǒ de huái lǐ, chǎo zhe yào tīng gùshi.		  
累了一天的老公看我回来
就呼呼大睡了.		 My husband was exhausted after a very long day,
the time he saw me he fell asleep right away.
lèi le yī tiān de lǎogong kàn wǒ huílai
jiù hūhū dà shuì le.		  
我搂着熟睡的女儿,
想到他明天一早就要飞回南方.		 While my daughter slept soundly in my arms,
I thought about him, the man who would fly back to the south the next morning.
wǒ lǒu zhe shúshuì de nǚ’ér,
xiǎngdào tā míngtiān yīzǎo jiùyào fēi huí nánfāng.		  
我在心里默默地祷告,
祷告他的婚后生活也能美满,
也能在不久的将来,
拥有一个长得象他的健康可爱的孩子.		 I quietly made a wish in my heart.
I wished him to have a happy and loving marriage.
I wished someday soon
he would be able to have a bouncing baby of his own that looked just like him.
wǒ zài xīn lǐ mòmò de dǎogào,
dǎogào tā de hūn hòu shēnghuó yě néng měimǎn,
yě néng zài bùjiǔ de jiānglái,
yōngyǒu yī gè zhǎngde xiàng tā de jiànkāng kě’ài de háizi.		  
现在每每在人海中行走,
我都会想起我身后的那双眼睛.		 Every now and then, while I walk in the crowd,
I will think of those eyes behind me.

xiànzài měiměi zài rénhǎi zhōng xíngzǒu,
wǒ doū huì xiǎngqǐ wǒ shēnhòu de nà shuāng yǎnjing.

 
那眼里的温存和忧郁,
总是不断地提醒我，让我更加珍惜生活,
珍惜身边的人, 		The gentleness and sensation in them
will keep reminding me to appreciate the life that I have,
the people that are around me.
nà yǎn lǐ de wēncún hé yōuyù,
zǒngshì bùduàn de tíxǐng wǒ， ràng wǒ gèngjiā zhēnxī shēnghuó,
zhēnxī shēnbiān de rén, 		 
让我更努力地去爱, 去宽容。 They will remind me to become more loving and forgiving.
ràng wǒ gèng nǔlì de qù ài, qù kuānróng。  
– 全文完 – – The End –
quánwén wán  
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